My husband and I are opposites in many ways.
He lives for being on the water and I’m much happier on land.
On Friday nights he wants to curl up to a cozy war documentary when I just want a silly slapstick comedy.
He’s deliberate and precise in nearly everything he does, while I’m known to cross the street without looking (haven’t been hit yet 🤷♀️).
And he doesn’t drink coffee, which just makes me question everything.
In this time of so much togetherness and so much stress, all these differences can seem more magnified than ever, and it’s tough. They say there’s going to be a baby boom in nine months but I think most of us are over here just trying not to be on the next episode of Snapped.
Despite all these differences, though, I have to say--our marriage is cake. 🍰
When I taught writing to little ones, they’d often be so worried about spelling everything right, making it neat, and drawing their picture, that they’d be over it and give up before even getting the story out. So I’d often use the analogy that writing a story is kind of like baking a cake--you’ve gotta have the foundation down before you decorate it. I’d tell them “just get your thoughts down on the page--don’t worry about ‘prettying it up’ yet, you can go back and fix it up later. Because icing and sprinkles without the cake is just...well...not a cake.”
I think relationships are a lot like that. I’ve come to believe it’s not so much a question of whether or not opposites attract, but more about where your opposites lie--in the icing, surface-level stuff; or the cake, the foundational stuff.
I once dated someone who I shared many interests with, but we were very different in fundamental, core-value kinds of ways. Opposites may attract, but when your value systems don’t mesh, the attraction fades quickly; it’s not sustainable in the long-term.
We were icing and sprinkles without the cake.
On the surface, my husband and I may appear to be as different as we look (he’s 6’5” to my 5’2”), but when it comes to matters of the heart--our son, our values around God and family--we fall right in line. And when I discover a new hobby I’d never have normally given a chance or he starts to show just a sliver of interest in how the new Bachelor season is going (but acts like he doesn’t care), well that’s just icing on the cake.
This is a tough period for relationships, there’s no doubt about it--as I write this, I’m marveling at the fact that my husband has any hearing left with the volume up so loud. But I also think back to the times when I was coming to the hard realization that I’d invested a lot of time trying all sorts of pretty ways to adorn a cake that, deep down, I knew had no substance--knowing that the other was not willing or able to start over from scratch. It’s a unique kind of pain, the realization that you’re investing time and love and care into something that is bound to fall apart. The ingredients simply don’t mix and there’s no amount of redecorating that can hold it together.
So if his loud chewing or her incessant channel-flipping is the source of the stress--as annoying as it is--remember, a cake with a solid foundation can always be redecorated. And, if you have that, life is sweet enough.
I'm Krissy & I'm so thankful you're here. Being a woman, a wife, a mother--it's all rewarding but also tough. I hope this is a place you can go that feels like caffeine for the soul. Check out the categories below and, if you like what you read, subscribe to make sure you always have good Sunday morning reading to go with your coffee :)