I woke up early this morning, as I always do, To write an old-school Valentine poem just for you. But I sit here not knowing quite where to start-- It’s hard to put into words what you've done to my heart.
It's funny to think back to what I thought motherhood would be, Dreams of family pictures and a cute nursery. But when they laid you on my chest I realized it's so much more, And that life would never be the same as it was before.
Truthfully it scared me, what a commitment it would be, This HUMAN was MINE--what a huge responsibility! Sleepless nights filled with worry, I cried behind closed doors, "God, you might’ve given me something I'm simply not good enough for.”
Those days felt like they'd go on forever at the time, But now I look back and think how they flied. I look at you, my big boy, and want to do it all again, Feel your warmth on my chest and smell your new skin.
But if I went back, I'd have to miss out on THIS-- The way you say "Love you, Mom" & give me a kiss. Truth is I've never loved you more than I do today, Judging by who you've become, I must've done okay.
Where we are today is better in a way, Our talks in the car and your laugh when we play. What I love most now is this feeling of PRIDE, For the boy who walks on his own by my side.
No, you're not perfect, I wouldn't want you to be, I love you just as you are--rambunctious, wild, free! I hope as you grow you'll hang onto what makes you unique, For that's how God made you--special and distinct.
Sometimes I want to hang onto today, For I know in time there will come a day, When you go off to live a life on your own, And I won't be around as much when you're grown.
But when that time comes and I look back, I have a feeling I'll love exactly where we’re at. Watching who you’ve become with enormous pride, And feeling content to take my place by your side.
So, my little Valentine, I just want to say, I'm more full of love for you every single day. To witness your life from your very first breaths, Has been an honor no words can ever express.
And the One Who Lives In My Heart
I woke up early this morning, as I always do, To write an old-school Valentine poem just for you. But I sit here not knowing quite where to start-- It's hard to put into words what you've done to my heart.
It's funny to think back to what I thought pregnancy would be, Dreams of baby showers, onesies, & you in my belly. What I never dreamed of is learning your heart beat no more, In that moment I knew life wouldn't be the same as before.
What had gone wrong? Had your life ended because of me? This HUMAN was MINE--he was my responsibility. Sleepless nights filled with pain, I cried out behind closed doors, "God, you might’ve given me something I'm not strong enough for.”
Those days felt like they'd go on forever at the time, The grief was just too much to bear sometimes. To have the chance to see who you might've been, Feel your warmth on my chest and smell your new skin.
I’ve accepted over time that there’s no going back, And had to make peace with exactly where I’m at. The truth is I think of you every single day, And, over time, I’ve learned that I will be okay.
I guess where I am today is better in a way, I'm more grateful & humbled by the size of this pain. What I love most now is this feeling of PRIDE, For the boy who walks in spirit by my side.
I'll never understand why you had to say good-bye, To find peace I had to stop trying to figure out why. My hope for you now is that you feel peace too, And that somehow you know how much we love you.
There's times I want to hang onto yesterday, When I saw your heart on the screen, beating away. But staying there is not where you'd want me to be, So we move forward--your brother, daddy, and me.
Just know if you're watching that despite moving on, Our feelings for you remain just as strong. If we ever add another child to this family, Know they're not replacing you--that could never be.
So, my little Valentine, I just want to say, I'm more full of love for you every single day. To carry you for four months under my heart, Was an honor no words could ever impart.